![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nomoreuturnsDear @crashfrog
From what you've been saying in the comment thread of this article on iO9.com, I do think that you really are concerned about people who want to have sex but cannot feel the urge/become aroused/enjoy sex due to a hormonal/neurochemical imbalance or some other physical cause. If someone doesn't feel the urge to have sex because there is something out-of-whack then of course they should be given help to rectify it, if they want to rectify it.
However, that isn't a factor with asexuals (or if it is a factor, then they're fine with it). Someone who is asexual may enjoy an orgasm as much as the next guy or gal, but have no desire to get down and dirty with another person. That doesn't make them disabled, or defective, or wrong: it just means that if they do feel sexual arousal, then they like their hands or their toys instead of another person's touch. It also doesn't prevent them from experiencing affection for another person...it just means they don't feel the urge to have sex with that person. They can still express affection for and be in a loving relationship with their partner(s), they can still have a family...they just won't have sex. Which is fine. Really!
Having sex with another person may be a big part of your life experience, but it isn't necessarily a big part of everyone's life experience. If a person doesn't want to have sex because they just don't want to have sex, that's OK. It's just what feels right for them, and since what feels right for them isn't hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with that. Not having sex is not going to stop them from falling in love or forming attachments or having children if that is what they want out of life.
But, just out of curiosity: if you believe that asexuality - not being sexually attracted to anyone - is a disability, then how did you come to the conclusion that homosexuality is a sexual orientation (see here)? Homosexuality is the inability to be sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex...and since someone who identifies as homosexual is incapable of experiencing a so-called "central aspect of the human condition", by your reasoning it should be classified as a disability. In fact, heterosexuality should be classified as a disability, too, as heterosexuals are unable to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Think of all the sexual contact these people are missing out on! It's unnatural! We must tinker with their brain chemistry until they want all the sex with all the people!
I'm aware that those last few sentences may come across as mocking instead of the intended "light-hearted joking" tone I am aiming for, and I apologise if they do. I just think it's odd that you chose to draw the line there. It's like your brain could process the concept that some people want sex with both men and women, and that some people want sex with men or women, but then it got to the concept that some people don't want sex with anyone at all and shorted out.
Not really sure how to finish this off, to be honest. Bottom line (for me, at least):
Asexuality is a sexual orientation. The asexual person does not get physical enjoyment out of, and does not become aroused by, participating in sexual acts with other people. Like those of other sexual orientations, they can form romantic relationships and have families, but they won't have sex with their partner(s) (or if they do, it is for the benefit of their partner(s), and they won't enjoy the act itself).
They are not disabled.
They are not defective.
They are not wrong.
They do not need to be fixed.
They do not need their brains or bodies meddled with.
They do not need your pity, or your scorn, or your disapproval.
As long as they are happy and healthy, they are fine. Please do them the courtesy of respecting them and their choices, even if you find it difficult to understand.
Regards
nomoreuturns
**
For the record, I have no idea what my sexual orientation is. I thought I was straight, and then I started liking girls as well as guys (but couldn't admit it seriously to myself - or anyone else - until I was 20 and had met some really amazing people who helped me realise that hey, it really is OK). And while I like the idea of kissing and orgasms are so.much.fun, my stance on the idea of sleeping with anyone teeters back and forth between OK and Meh every time I think about it (and I think about it a lot)...I don't know if that's because I have never had sex, or if I'm just instinctively not into the act itself. I know I want kids someday, and I think I could settle into a committed relationship with someone (or sometwo, or somethree...) at some point in the future.
For now, I'm calling it theoretical bisexuality. Because even though I like the idea of undoing Grace Park's pants with my teeth and then kissing my way down her body, or tying Alex O'Loughlin and/or Daniel Dae Kim to a bed and having my wicked way with them,* I have no idea what I'd do if I was ever in a situation like that, because I have no practical experience of any sexual situation involving other people.
* Am on a Hawaii Five-0 kick...can you tell? ;) How so hot, guys???
From what you've been saying in the comment thread of this article on iO9.com, I do think that you really are concerned about people who want to have sex but cannot feel the urge/become aroused/enjoy sex due to a hormonal/neurochemical imbalance or some other physical cause. If someone doesn't feel the urge to have sex because there is something out-of-whack then of course they should be given help to rectify it, if they want to rectify it.
However, that isn't a factor with asexuals (or if it is a factor, then they're fine with it). Someone who is asexual may enjoy an orgasm as much as the next guy or gal, but have no desire to get down and dirty with another person. That doesn't make them disabled, or defective, or wrong: it just means that if they do feel sexual arousal, then they like their hands or their toys instead of another person's touch. It also doesn't prevent them from experiencing affection for another person...it just means they don't feel the urge to have sex with that person. They can still express affection for and be in a loving relationship with their partner(s), they can still have a family...they just won't have sex. Which is fine. Really!
Having sex with another person may be a big part of your life experience, but it isn't necessarily a big part of everyone's life experience. If a person doesn't want to have sex because they just don't want to have sex, that's OK. It's just what feels right for them, and since what feels right for them isn't hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with that. Not having sex is not going to stop them from falling in love or forming attachments or having children if that is what they want out of life.
But, just out of curiosity: if you believe that asexuality - not being sexually attracted to anyone - is a disability, then how did you come to the conclusion that homosexuality is a sexual orientation (see here)? Homosexuality is the inability to be sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex...and since someone who identifies as homosexual is incapable of experiencing a so-called "central aspect of the human condition", by your reasoning it should be classified as a disability. In fact, heterosexuality should be classified as a disability, too, as heterosexuals are unable to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Think of all the sexual contact these people are missing out on! It's unnatural! We must tinker with their brain chemistry until they want all the sex with all the people!
I'm aware that those last few sentences may come across as mocking instead of the intended "light-hearted joking" tone I am aiming for, and I apologise if they do. I just think it's odd that you chose to draw the line there. It's like your brain could process the concept that some people want sex with both men and women, and that some people want sex with men or women, but then it got to the concept that some people don't want sex with anyone at all and shorted out.
Not really sure how to finish this off, to be honest. Bottom line (for me, at least):
Asexuality is a sexual orientation. The asexual person does not get physical enjoyment out of, and does not become aroused by, participating in sexual acts with other people. Like those of other sexual orientations, they can form romantic relationships and have families, but they won't have sex with their partner(s) (or if they do, it is for the benefit of their partner(s), and they won't enjoy the act itself).
They are not disabled.
They are not defective.
They are not wrong.
They do not need to be fixed.
They do not need their brains or bodies meddled with.
They do not need your pity, or your scorn, or your disapproval.
As long as they are happy and healthy, they are fine. Please do them the courtesy of respecting them and their choices, even if you find it difficult to understand.
Regards
nomoreuturnsFor the record, I have no idea what my sexual orientation is. I thought I was straight, and then I started liking girls as well as guys (but couldn't admit it seriously to myself - or anyone else - until I was 20 and had met some really amazing people who helped me realise that hey, it really is OK). And while I like the idea of kissing and orgasms are so.much.fun, my stance on the idea of sleeping with anyone teeters back and forth between OK and Meh every time I think about it (and I think about it a lot)...I don't know if that's because I have never had sex, or if I'm just instinctively not into the act itself. I know I want kids someday, and I think I could settle into a committed relationship with someone (or sometwo, or somethree...) at some point in the future.
For now, I'm calling it theoretical bisexuality. Because even though I like the idea of undoing Grace Park's pants with my teeth and then kissing my way down her body, or tying Alex O'Loughlin and/or Daniel Dae Kim to a bed and having my wicked way with them,* I have no idea what I'd do if I was ever in a situation like that, because I have no practical experience of any sexual situation involving other people.
* Am on a Hawaii Five-0 kick...can you tell? ;) How so hot, guys???
